just write it

Yes, that is the quest…
In a rhythm, there cannot be an empty moment without tickalickaling of the claviature…
Don’t think, just type…
For this action you cannot look up,
you can’t cenzore your writing,
just type …
don’t think …
you already know everything …
let the claviature take over …

You are a clown … yes
No, I am not
Yes, you are
No, I am not
Don’t argue with your clown-self …

How did you meet your clown?

I didn’t but the others did.
I was just there and the others – the audience – saw me as a laughable creature, a person who is funny … I wasn’t even thinking about this … I was serious about things, and they laughed at any of my actions. As I became more and more serious about the actual topic, they laughed even more.
Why ?
Was it hurt ?
I just didn’t understand.
I still don’t understand why people are laughing at things I do.
But I understand that they are laughing.
For example when I make a mistake, that I am not really aware of.
Maybe I am a little bit inappropriate.
Maybe I am aware of being a little bit inappropriate.
I just can not avoid it …
… and if I try to fix it, it’s even getting worse.
And so, my little mistake is “out”, impossible to recall or undo.

When I am one on one, it’s not that funny. But if more against one, the audience wins irresistibly. I let the laughter grow upon my head, and I still let myself not understand why … even if I understand a little more now than before.

Cruelty ?
Or ?
Relief ?


I let the audience laugh at me, at my most seriousness,
with a fish-sticker on my back, which I stuck on myself by accident.
This is how I became a clown.

With time I am more and more aware of it,
but still I can not make any real mistakes on purpose.
I just allow myself to let my mistakes happen.
Mistakes that I am aware of … or not …

Now I am sure that anything I do will be a little bit inappropriate for someone, so I just have to let myself carefully act as I think it is appropriate and for sure I will fail in the eyes of someone who seems to know the social rules better than I do.
I am a little bit lucky here …
I can’t be perfect,
but I can try to be perfect, so
I will always fail.
That is exactly the fuel of my clown!

My next stage performance should be about my perfection and the title might be:
“Im Pefrect”… OMG … I never had a chance to make a performance ever alone.
Will I succeed?
What should I hope, failure or success, or unsuccessful failure?
Should I hope anything at all?
I hope that I’m hopeless…
… a little bit.

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